July 24, 2013
Twenty four years had passed with no contact with my father when I started LifeWorks in July of 2009. It was a conscious choice for me to not have a relationship with him all those
Julie Reaching High
years. Many difficult things had happened in my childhood that led me to the choice to not have him in my life. I was carrying around sadness, anger, frustration, blame and righteousness all directed toward him (and my mom). I had a really good story that I replayed over and over in my head that helped me hold my position all of those years. I thought about him regularly and could not imagine in my wildest dreams ever having a relationship with him.
Deep down I really wanted to have a relationship with him. I wanted to have a healthy, loving and authentic connection with him, I just did not think it was realistic or possible. It seemed so far out of reach I simply didn’t even entertain the idea that I could create the new healthy relationship with him that I desired. I figured we would be estranged for my entire life and that is just how the story would go.
So many things stopped me from reaching out. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of rejection, that he would not want to have a connection with me. Fear of upsetting my siblings. Also a lot of doubt, would I be able to use words to set healthy boundaries, would I be able to lovingly express my feelings and differentiate if he was the same as I had remembered him to be? Was I healthy enough myself to be able to hold space and articulate going forward together in a new and healthy way? Would I fall into old patterns of fear, self doubt and blame? Would I clam up and not express myself? Would I isolate and disappear again… only to be hurt and sad…with more proof that I should just stay away?
When the assignment was given in LifeWorks for a STRETCH goal… the biggest stretch I could imagine was finding the courage to reach out to him. Thinking about this was stressful. I remember feeling anxious, nervous, scared, and surprised at myself for even considering it. My hope was to have a new experience with him. It would not take much to have a better ending to the story than the one I currently had. I talked myself into it by saying I had nothing to loose.
I was so curious about this man, my father, and kept thinking about how much I had changed in the last 20 years, he had to have changed also. I had just finished reading and doing the questions in the book, My Heart Has Wings, written by my boss Kris King. There is a chapter in there on forgiveness. I wrote a letter to him on forgiveness and stated my intentions of creating a new relationship. Letting the past be the past and starting from this moment going forward, reconnecting and making a fresh start. Forgiveness is a beautiful, priceless, and powerful gift. Was I ready to forgive and let go of my story? My learning partner in LifeWorks and one of my dearest friends today, was my biggest supporter. I believe with every fiber of my being that if it was not for LifeWorks, all of the participants in my class, Kris King, and my learning partner Lepha Johnson that letter would not have been written or mailed. I felt enormous support from the group and trusted that what ever would unfold I would be able to handle.
Fast forward to today and I am happy and grateful to share with you I have a beautiful, loving, healthy and authentic relationship with my father. I am grateful that Wings Seminars has given me the tools to create the results I want in my life. This company has been an integral part of the human being I have become. I can not express deeply enough with words how profoundly grateful I am for this company and the things I have learned here. I love LifeWorks and if you have not taken that class I hope you commit to do it. When I started I had no intention of reaching out to my Dad. It was in the safety and support of the seminar room that this idea came to me. I think it unfolded perfectly. I can not imagine my life with out my father in it now. Last month he graduated from the PES with his new wife and I am creating a new experience with him that has been beyond my wildest dreams. Dream big, anything is possible, and dreams do come true. I have proof. With much love and gratitude, Julie Cox
